11. Money is a sensitive issue in this family, we never discuss it or frequently argue about it.  There is no doubt that discussing money can be difficult at times. In fact, money often is a major conflict issue within many families and can be highly emotional. The first step is to know that EVERYONE has to deal with money. As a result, try to keep your emotions out of the conversation, and discuss the issue. By practicing keeping to the specific money issue without becoming emotional, you will find that money conversations become easier and easier.

12. There really are no accidents. Someone is always responsible.  As Freud once said "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar". There really are times when no one is to blame. Sometimes accidents just happen. What is a concern though, is if a family member has to find someone to blame for every mishap. This only creates an environment of walking on eggshells. Remember, some of mankind's greatest inventions were the result of accidents.

13. There are mental health issues in the family, but we really don't discuss it.   Why not? By keeping everything secret it only creates more of a stigma for the person or persons with the mental health difficulty. Now, this does not mean to gossip; gossip is often a huge family problem. Let the person with the mental health issue control the discussion. Remember, we will all have issues at some point in our lifetime. Medical or psychological, it's all part of being human.

14. My parents rarely attended a school or sporting event...   Talk about hurting a child's self-esteem. It's hard to put yourself out in public without someone rooting you on. Remember, your parents behavior (or lack thereof) was not about you, it was actually a reflection on their own psychological makeup.

15. Being in control is very important to me.   That's fine, unless the control impacts others. The need for excessive control is often due to being insecure, a history of being physically or emotionally abused, neglected, fear of the unknown. Sometimes the controlling person is totally unaware how controlling their behavior is and the impact it has on others. Professional help may be required.

16. My family can not get through a holiday time without a major argument.  Welcome to the holidays!! The good news is that you realize that this can be a terribly stressful time for your family. The bad news is that at some level you equate holidays with conflict. At times of conflict, try not to participate. Leave the room if you have to, go for a walk. You may have to take many walks, then again, the walks will allow you to leave the argument and provide exercise at the same time. Lastly, by all means, try not to consume excessive alcohol. Being intoxicated never helps any conflict.

17. When there are problems, we will typically not discuss them.  That may work for some families for a short while, but never over the long run. If the problems are not discussed, then how can they be effectively solved so they can be avoided or worked through quickly in the future? Think of Mount St. Helens, the volcano. The pressure of the problems not discussed will build up over time and finally erupt. Often with unpleasant results.

18. my family, criticism was used much more than positive statements.   So how is your self-esteem? If your family can not provide you with positive feedback, remember, you can not choose your family but you can choose your friends. Find a supportive network of friends that can give you what your family can not.

19. One or both of my parents has been divorced at least three times.   After a few divorces, you can reasonably be assured that your parent needs to improve his or her ability to choose a partner or sustain a long-term relationship. Individuals from families that have multiple divorces often report difficulty forming and maintaining healthy long-term relationships. Issues of trust and abandonment can be common.

20. really dread seeing members of my family and will often try to avoid them.   Why? Then again, this may be a coping strategy.