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WAR AND SUICIDE

Many times, the news reported in this section will be based upon trends seen in our clinic. Often, people will come in with problems that are associated with current events. This is seen after natural disasters, 9/11, and even holiday stress. This current article is dedicated to surviving family members of service men and women killed in Iraq. This is not a political piece regarding the war, nor is this article meant to address all issues associated with death and dying. This article is solely based upon what can happen to family members of personal killed in Iraq.

For the last several months, practioners in our clinic have had an increase in clients who are experiencing suicidal thoughts and/or gestures after the death of a loved one who was based in Iraq. This led to several questions. First, is there an increase in suicide for survivors of service personal killed in war? Second, does the government provide any services to help surviving family members? Third, what can be done to help the folks that are coming in?

War and Suicide
The first two questions can be answered briefly. A cursory review of studies conducted regarding suicide did not address the question "Is there an increase in suicide for survivors of service personal killed in war"?. In other words, we could not find any studies looking at this. There may be a few, we just couldn't find them. The second question was "Does the government provide services for family members who have had loved ones killed in war?". For this question, I contacted the Veterans Affairs (VA) and two military bases. The Veterans Affairs Department provides services to living veterans. Understandably, they did not have any programs dedicated for survivors of active duty personal. As a sign of things to come, the VA had no idea if any such program existed. The military bases were a bit more helpful and here is the scoop. After a soldier is killed, services will be available as long as the family (wife and kids only, does not include parents, sisters, brothers, ect..) continue to live on base. Once they move out (which will happen soon, because the soldier is no longer active duty) no additional services are provided. "It's up to you folks out there" meaning, normal social services; which can be pathetic if services aren't available. One chaplain made a very good point in noting that "most of the chaplains are in Iraq, we are spread very thin here". In other words, even if a program existed, no one would be available to work it.

Help for Your Family
The sudden death of any loved one is traumatic. It can also be hard to be able to focus on others when you, yourself, are grieving. Here are some ideas to help you during this time.
  • Let friends and family help.
  • Regularly check on other family members as to how they are feeling.
  • Openly discuss your feelings and understand that not everyone expresses grief the same way.
  • When a loved one starts to talk about the person who died, encourage them to do so.
  • It is o.k. to experience a whole range of emotions, in fact it is quite normal.
  • Grief can last for several weeks and months. There are no quick fixes.
  • Finding a mental health provider or group who specializes in grief can by very helpful.
  • Feeling tired and having concentration and memory problems are normal.
  • For parents, avoid preserving parts of the house in memory of the deceased. For example, do not tell other children not to enter a bedroom or part of the house because you are leaving it untouched in memory of your soldier for the next several months and/or years. Your other children may interpret this as meaning they are not loved by you as equally. For example, it would have been better if they had died instead of the soldier, because they are valued less.
  • Most importantly, DO NOT forget that there are other family members that need your love and attention as well. If you are unable to extend yourself to other family members, let them know and ask other adults for help; especially spending time with children.
Signs of Suicide

Please TAKE ALL THREATS OF SUICIDE SERIOUSLY and seek immediate treatment for your loved one. And if you are an adolescent reading this and having these feelings, please talk right away with an adult you can trust to get some help. Here are some signs for suicide in adolescents and children (remember, many of these are common with grief, that’s why it is important to have open communication).
  • Withdrawal from friends and family
  • Drug or alcohol use problems
  • Changes in sleeping and eating patterns
  • Problems at school

  • Expressions of guilt, saying it would be better if he or she was the one to die instead
  • Making suicidal statements
  • Giving away belongings
  • Aggressive or hostile behavior
  • Possession or purchase of weapon or pills
  • Neglect of personal appearance
  • Complaints of continued boredom

We are here to help. If you have a question, feel free to Ask the Psychologist.


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